Read my story from the beginning HERE.
All I could think was, the other girls will rape you.
Oh my God–what was I going to do? Where was God? Why wasn’t He helping me? Who could I turn to? I went to the bathroom and cut myself. My faith was being tried.
I needed a plan. I needed someone on my side. I had no one to turn to.
It was break time. Break time was when all the teenagers went to a dark, cold crowded room and either played games, watched television or talked. I didn’t want to socialize with these kids. I didn’t want to have anything to do with them–I wanted to sleep in my bed. All I wanted to do was sleep.
So, I hid in the big room with all the bunk beds until everyone left. Then, I grabbed my pencil and the drawing pad I had been given and began to draw. It was completely innocent and helped me keep my mind off of what was going on around me. Sketching helped clear my thoughts. It was peaceful.
Just when I thought I had gotten out of dissocializing in the game room, I heard footsteps coming up the stairwell. It was one of the workers. She basically jerked me up and made me comply with her wishes to be in the game room. I wanted to push her down the stairs. God, don’t make me go in there with those other kids!
I went in. I sat at a small, circular table with another teenager and a social worker. The social worker was acting nosy and asking questions that were really none of her business. She was yelling at the other kids for minor infractions–volume on the television, loud laughter, kids wearing their coats incorrectly. She was asking kids why they were at the state home.
I tried to avoid her.
“So, why are you here?” she implored.
“I don’t really know,” I replied.
“Well, there must be some reason why you are here. I bet you ran away like all these other kids.”
“No, I did not. I did not run away. I am not like these other kids! I am not trash!” I screamed furiously.
“You did too run away! All of Miss Rosie’s kids here are runaways! Don’t lie, I know what you did!”
“I did not run away you stupid bitch! Shut your damn mouth, you do not know what you are talking about!” I screamed back at her as I pushed the table at her and ran out of the game room. (I was angry and curse words were all I could think to use.)
I ran as fast and as far as I could. I made it twenty feet before a security guard stopped me in my tracks.
To be continued…
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. There are still several chapters left. A copy of my book, Screwed Up: My Life, may be purchased from Blurb here.