FYI: For those who are not Latter-day Saints, Relief Society is an hour long class for women on Sundays at LDS churches. It’s basically like another Sunday School class, except we focus on the family, home, and charity. I usually try to find a way to skip it, but somehow always end up back in the room for one reason or another. If you have no idea who the Latter-day Saints are, well, we are those Mormons. Not to be confused with Amish and Mennonites.
Which actually makes me want to tell you a joke:
What do Amish women dream about? Three Mennonite.
So there I was after Sunday School trying to decide whether to go to Relief Society or not. I just wasn’t feeling it. Mostly what I was feeling was my stomach growling because I also decided to fast for the first time since before I got pregnant with my now eight-year-old. So, that’s like nine years. Mostly, I was fasting to keep myself from freaking out and cussing before I even got to church.
Now I have to tell you that fasting for the first time in forever is not that easy of a feat to accomplish. I woke up Sunday morning determined to make it through two meals, said my prayers for what I was fasting for, then grabbed a Twizzler from the top drawer and took a bite. That’s when I remembered the first time that I was fasting. That’s also when I realized that I sure do snack a lot.
So while I was wandering the halls watching my children in their classes and chatting with others who were in the foyer, I got this overwhelming feeling to go back to Relief Society. Ugh, really? Why? I was having way too much fun watching my children get all excited about their scripture powers.
Go to Relief Society.
Okay. Fine then.
And when I walked in there my friend/visiting teacher/80-year-old-lady-who-bungee-jumped-off-an-African-bridge was giving her lesson.
“Multiply and replenish the earth,” was all I heard.
Great, not this lesson again, I thought. Then her voice became slurred and very quiet and within two minutes of me going back to Relief Society she fainted. Of course we all thought she had a heart attack being as old as she is. Someone ran and got the priesthood brethren and I ran outside and called 911. She ended up being fine, had just gotten sick in the middle of the night and felt badly about having to make someone else give her lesson at the last minute so she came to church anyway.
Which is why I say the best Relief Society lessons are so good, you don’t need a handout to remember them. Lessons learned:
- Trying to fast for the first time in forever is really hard.
- Prayerfully fasting can put you in the right place at the right time.
- If you’re sick, don’t go to church.
- Listen to the Still Small Voice. Especially when He yells at you.
Then after driving my friend home and having my other friend drive me home, I tried to relate this story back to her. When I got to the part about first feeling prompted to go to Relief Society I slipped the word a fish says when he hits a wall. So, I still haven’t made it through one Sunday not cursing since I made my goal not to cuss on Sundays two weeks ago. Oh and:
- Trying not to cuss after years of cussing is harder than you think. I almost feel like a chain smoker always trying to quit. But my cursing doesn’t smell as bad.