Yesterday was the first day of school–which if you know me also means the first day of the next nine months of peace and quiet for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and I’d do any reasonable thing for them, but by gawd they annoy me sometimes.
Here’s a little bit of how my day went yesterday and explains why I hid in my bedroom from 7 til bedtime watching B movies on Netflix and eating sugar free candies from the dollar store. Which I found out later gives you really bad diarrhea. Hey, but I lost a pound:
Seriously how many times does one kid need to eat in a day? Surely not ten times. It’s really hard to eat healthy and try to lose weight when your kid is asking you constantly if he can have something to eat. Maybe they have worms.
I thought I was going to lose it yesterday morning when my oldest punched my youngest in the back and made him cry, so in retaliation my youngest kicked my oldest in the nuts and made him, well, you know. All right before the first day of school began. This has been going on all-summer-long.
I found my early 1980s Annie doll that my great-grandma gave me when I was a little girl in the backyard covered in mud with her head ripped off.
I also found a half-rotted piece of pizza in my kids’ bathroom hidden in a cabinet drawer.
Not to mention the towel stuffed in the bottom of the linen closet that appeared as though someone wiped their butt with it. Probably explains why there was baby gecko living in it.
BUT you know what really made me grow horns yesterday while the kids were in school?
You see, I had told my boys several times over the weekend to clean their rooms because I wanted this week to start off well, and when I went in their bedrooms while they were in school I discovered clothes stuffed under beds, between walls and mattresses, in closets, and thrown all over the floor. I also found toys hidden under couches, stuffed in closets, and crammed in drawers. Books were not on bookshelves and trash was not in trashcans. Basically, they tried to pull one over on me (why am I surprised?) and I got fed up with the deceit.
So I grabbed several tall trash bags from the kitchen and began filling them with clothes to donate and store for later use. Basically half their clothes are gone (less laundry!) and at least half, if not more, of their toys are trashed.
When they got home yesterday afternoon I sat them all at the dining room table and explained to them what I had found. I then had them go upstairs with me and I showed them what I did to fix their pigsties. I made them put all their remaining clothes away and finish cleaning the place. I’d really thought that I had taught them a lesson until they exclaimed how happy they were that I’d thrown their stuff away.
“That’s okay Mommy, we have too much stuff anyway.”
“Yes! Now it’ll be so much easier to clean!”
“I don’t care Mom.”
You see, I can never win. Which would normally mean I’d eat candy all day today, except all we’ve got is the sugar free kind and I don’t want to spend all day gassy and in the bathroom again.